In pursuit of [P/p]urpose
Much has been written about purpose, what it is, why it matters and how to find it. I thought like many others it was possible to ‘find’ it, much like finding that lost sock – you know it is around somewhere and it will surely turn up if only you look hard enough. Contrary to the wisdoms of everyone from Simon Sinek and his book ‘Find Your Why’ to IDEO’s online course the ‘Power of Purpose’, I am not so sure now that it is quite so easy to definitively find, secure, and articulate your purpose into a snappy elevator picture that will define your identity and provide clarity as to your reason for being.
When the opportunity arose to take a sabbatical from my demanding yet rewarding corporate role in Australia, it was the perfect opportunity to seek out my purpose, thinking that I had simply been so busy with work and navigating life that all I really needed to do was slow down, create some space and listen. Reflecting, looking deeply, and asking myself some searching questions would surely enable my purpose to be revealed to me. That was the plan at least.
After months of reflection, inspiring conversations with incredible people such as the social media advisor to the Dali Lama, long meandering walks in the Cotswolds, yoga retreats, an IDEO online course, Viktor Frankl’s profound and must read ‘Man’s Search For Meaning’, Oprah’s ‘What I Know For Sure’ (book and audio versions) and many many many other books, advisory from successful people who seemed to me to have nailed their purpose, and pages and pages of journal scribble – I was still no closer to being clear. I reflected upon my strengths, when I was last in a state of flow, upon my childhood, my achievements, my proudest moments and upon the feedback I had received from others. I tried analogies, was I a ‘conductor’?, a ‘catalyst’?, an ‘amplifier’? – nope, nope and nope.
When your life takes unexpected turns and you have an opportunity to stand back and reflect, without all the usual ‘noise’ in your life, you hope, or at least I did, that you will be able to hear with clear fidelity what life has been whispering but you’ve been too distracted to hear. But…
The silence was deafening.
The silence was disconcerting.
The silence was disorientating.
Was there really no purpose or clear meaning for my contribution? Surely there must be some reason to keep me on this planet! Why did others have a purpose and articulate it with sure pride and why couldn’t I? Had I missed it and was my life actually purposeless or more scarily was my life without purpose?
The answer for me was much simpler, less existential, and far less grand. After searching in vain for my Purpose with a capital ‘P’, I discovered that my true purpose really exists with a lower case ‘p’.
That is to say it is not defined by a clever catch phrase or elevator pitch – which sounds amazing but is not authentically and consistently me. I discovered I don’t need a ‘P’urpose, to define the quality or value of the contribution I make. And most importantly true purpose should not be defined by what you say you believe in, no matter how articulate or inspiring.
After a quest of nearly a year, I discovered my purpose lies in the simplest of things.
How I make you feel when we speak.
What I prioritise. Where I dedicate my time, focus and energy.
What I stand up for and when I am a passionate advocate or ally.
What deeply moves me.
My language – how I use it, what I emphasize.
In short, for me, purpose is not a big bang statement for others to admire, during which I tell you what to expect from me. It does not need to be broadcast, branded or shrunk (so I can tell you in 30 seconds before you lose interest).
It is in the small day to day moments of my everyday life that my purpose manifests.
I don’t need to ‘tell’ you, you should ‘feel’ it, and so should I.
An authentic purpose does not need a clever strat line for your CV or catchy rhyming phrase. You will know in those everyday moments, where you experience joy and fulfilment and where you see others experiencing joy or fulfilment after having spent time with you, that you are living true to your purpose.
Oh, and you don’t need to have fancy words to describe it – our very own feelings are data, and just as important!
So if you are searching for a way to find meaning and purpose in your life, stop looking and start listening. And trust me when I tell you don’t fret if you haven’t articulated your big ‘P’ purpose, that is not the only key to living a purposeful life. Instead of looking to the horizon for inspiration, you might redirect your gaze to fall upon your day-to-day interactions and the difference each of us makes. I am sure you will find as I have done, reassurance and confidence that your contribution matters and that our true purpose lies in the moments that make up our everyday lives.
As a result of my quest, what have I come to know for sure, and has become my truth?
That the truest and most authentic purposes are ‘lived not laminated’, they exist in the smallest of everyday moments and once every now and then (but very rarely) in ‘big bang’ events.
And finally looking back over my shoulder, nearly a year on, it has never been clearer that this was my own unique journey. Yours may be similar, or it may not. Our quests will be as unique as we are.
So good luck – listen deeply…
Reluctant extrovert, deep reflector, passionate individualist, and a work in progress. My professional life has been eclectic to say the least, from New Zealand’s indigenous social and economic development to general insurance in Australia, and now to digital start-ups in London.
Images from The Boy, The Mole, The Fox And The Horse, a 2019 bestselling illustrated book by Charlie Mackesy.